Notes on Brokenness

I was asked in June to speak at my church's Ladies' Fall Gathering in October. I had 4 months to prepare, but God gave me my topic right away, so I shared about the topic of brokenness. I remember trying to steer my preparation and my thoughts and my notes in another direction, because I thought it was far more "comfortable" to talk about changing seasons or harvest or a number of other Fall-related spiritual topics. But I lost those arguments with myself because I KNEW God wanted me to share on the topic of brokenness...something I seemed to have become experienced in. I think as Christians sometimes we are afraid to admit when we are broken because it makes us look like we must be doing something wrong if we are going through hurt or despair. But that could not be farther from the truth. Several of the ladies who attended asked if I would share these notes with them, so here they are. WARNING: THIS IS THE LONGEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF CYBERSPACE. ::chuckle::



BLESSED IN THE BROKENNESS
Defined: brokenness is the state of being forcibly separated into two or more pieces; having been violated; incomplete; subdued totally; crushed by grief; not functioning

Introduction: As you can gather from the definition, we are not talking about some hurt feelings or a hissy fit here. We are talking about a major life change...perhaps even a change in our physical, mental, and emotional state. When we are broken we have a unique learning opportunity to become like Jesus. Who was more broken than Jesus? He was literally broken...physically. God's purpose for our trials is often to bring us humbly before Him to experience a breaking in our inner, self-sufficient, independent selves to grow us into compassionate, patient, spiritually strong, God-glorifying women of God. If we will follow His example, we will be blessed in our brokenness.

1. REPENT of your sin. It is important to have a right heart before the Lord even though you are hurting and it may seem you are justified in your anger or desire for revenge or retaliation.

2. REMEMBER who your true enemy is. Ephesians 6:12 says "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (KJV). "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places" (NLT). In other words, the person who "broke" you is not your true enemy...the devil is. Something miraculous happens when we pray for a person we have a hard heart towards; over time the hardness melts. We become able to get beyond the hurts and forgive and we even end up loving the person we are praying for. It happens because when we pray we enter into the Presence of God...and God is love. He fills us with His spirit of love. He teaches us to look at that person the way He does. Romans 4:17 " Speak those things that be not as though they were."

3. RELINQUISH the struggle. Relinquish control. What happened happened. You cannot change it, undo it, or wish it away. God can resurrect the deadest of relationships and the most broken of people, but it takes humbling ourselves before Him and desiring to live His way--in forgiveness, kindness, and love. It takes the most willing of hearts to do this, a heart that is willing to gut it out in prayer, grow through tough times, and wait for love to be resurrected. Submission is something you give from your heart. It cannot be demanded of you. Matthew 10:39 says that "He who loses his life for My sake will find it". Dying to yourself is painful...and hard...especially when you are convinced the other person needs more changing than you. It doesn't seem fair. GOD NEVER SAID LIFE WAS FAIR. BUT HE IS FAIR. The pain of dying to yourself leads to life. Think about it this way...the other alternative is just as painful except it leads to the end of dreams, relationships, marriages, and families. We have to learn to see things the way God sees them. Don't ask Him to take sides; ask Him to take control.

4. Let God REPAIR. You wouldn't see an auto mechanic to fix your broken bone, neither would you take your vehicle to your manicurist for an oil change. Unless you are an expert on yourself, the other person, relationships, and humanity in general, the ONLY way to repair what's broken is to ask God to and LET Him repair it. 1 Corinthians 6:14 says that "God raised up the Lord Jesus and will also raise us up by His power". It is the ONLY power that can. But it cannot happen without that willing heart. We have to endure the pain to get the joy.

5. Control your REACTION. Hurt and anger are natural human emotions and are neither right nor wrong in and of themselves. But they can be used for good or evil much the same way a knife can be used as a surgeon's scalpel to save a life, or a murderer's weapon to take one. Being selfish or manipulative with your feelings can cause great harm. Anger and hurt becomes destructive whenever it controls us rather than us controlling it. Not only destructive...it is sinful! Psalms 4:4 says "Don't SIN by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent." I will never forget my mother's words when I called her on the verge of an emotional breakdown: "YOU CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. YOUR EMOTIONS DO NOT CONTROL YOU." (That Marie #1 is so wise.) Our suffering will seem like nothing compared to the Glory of God worked in us if we have the right reactions in the midst of our struggles.

6. RESOLVE to be meek. This does not mean to be a pushover or a doormat. Jesus was the most meek and gentle person to ever live and he was not a pushover nor did he let people walk all over Him. People were afraid of Him because He was EFFECTIVE. Words like kindness, gentleness, and humility have been used to define meekness, but each of those is only a portion of what true meekness is. Meekness means a calm temper, a person that is not easily provoked. Meekness is a self-control issue. Christlike meekness includes bold, aggressive obedience! It take courageous dedication to be part of advancing His Kingdom. Be bold, be forceful, always proclaim the whole truth regardless of who likes it or not, but don't be deliberately offensive...and don't allow yourself to be provoked.

7. Seek RECONCILIATION. Avoid RETALIATION. In Biblical times the law stated that the punishment must match the offense. The law allowed for retaliation but Jesus called for reconciliation. To be struck on the cheek was symbolic of being personally insulted rather than physically attacked. So, contrary to popular belief, turning the other cheek does not mean to allow someone to strike you twice. To turn the other cheek means to IGNORE the insult. Jesus wants us to resist the devil but also to conquer our desire for revenge and retaliation. We are to work for justice but not take personal revenge. JESUS STOOD SILENT BEFORE HIS ACCUSERS, ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE CRUCIFIED, BUT WON THE ULTIMATE BATTLE OVER THE ENEMY. You may be hurt but you are ONE. Hebrews 12:14-15 says that bitterness defiles (or corrupts) many. The brokenness, hurt, and anger can stop with you.

8. Be RIGHTEOUS. Long to DO right more than BE right and give life more than get even. Righteousness has a price to pay but it also has a reward. Matthew 5:11 says that God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right and that the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. On the other hand, Proverbs 11:2 says that the wicked will not go unpunished. Need more convincing? Proverbs chapters 11 and 12 has a nice, long, detailed list of blessings for the righteous and curses for the wicked. Examples: not going hungry vs. starving, crown of blessings vs. violence, the memory of you being a blessing vs. leaving the legacy of a bad memory, life vs. punishment, being granted your desires vs. being overtaken by the things you dread, joy vs. nothing, refuge vs. ruin.

9. REMAIN in the Word. Seek REVELATION. Pray and study the Word. It unlocks the answer to your brokenness. Sometimes it unlocks the question! Jeremiah 33:3 says "Call on me and I will answer you and I will show you great and UNSEARCHABLE things". Another version calls them "fenced in" things. In other words, God will show you things that cannot be searched for...they are "fenced in" or inaccessible!

10. REPEAT forgiveness. Forgiveness takes time. This doesn't mean you hold a grudge while you forgive...Colossians 3:12-14 says that holding grudges makes us hypocrites. It means that you forgive over and over until it becomes real. You have to make an active and conscious effort! Forgiveness doesn't require forgetting. While it's true that God said "I am He who remembers your sin no more", God is God. He is perfect! We are human. And He knows that. As humans it is futile to try to forget. The more we try to forget, the more we remember. But we can detox our memory and take away the power of that event or person to continue hurting us. Surrender your right to get even! When we forgive we are putting the outcome in God's hands. God expects us to forgive. He is very clear about this. Nothing enables us to forgive like knowing we've been forgiven.

11. RETELL your story. Your tale of survival, your testimony of God's supernatural ability to mend. You will now be able to empathize with someone who encounters a similar situation. Sympathy and empathy are two completely different things. Sympathy is like a hug or a pat on the back. It's nice and encouraging but it lacks true understanding. Revelation 12:11 says "They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony." You know how powerful the blood of the lamb is? The Bible mentions our testimony in the same sentence!

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I hope these notes have been a blessing to you!